


Our slow descent to hell

by TsunKing



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Chatlogs, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Kiyorumi, M/M, Tanaka shows up for a bit, chat fic, he and gonta are best buds, i brought back the copy paste house, kaitouma, komaeda luck strikes again, miu and kokichi need to calm down, more ships added as we go, saihoshi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-08 23:37:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13469001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsunKing/pseuds/TsunKing
Summary: Bae-thoven: omg did she just moan louder in responseBootleg Kamina: i never knew true fearLittle shit: until that shit mongrel started to orgasm at record speedAnd anime on my side: I think your synergy is a bit off….Bootleg Kamina: Nah! That was perfect babe <3Little shit: <3





	1. mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> I LIIIIIIVE!!!  
> so yeah, school has been a pain, but I return with what is probably one of my favorite types of fics when I need to laugh, CHAT FICS!  
> so just to put this out there, this is no despair hopes peak au (meaning we cooould see dr 1 and 2 characters), i have never even used a group chat (unless discord counts) ever, so please bare with me.  
> other than that, enjoy!  
> No shit: Shuichi  
> Bae-thoven: Kaede  
> Gonta: Gonta  
> Kms: Ryoma  
> Miugasm: Miu  
> Little shit: Kokichi  
> I have the power of god: Angie  
> And anime on my side: Tsumugi  
> Megumin: Himiko  
> A real boy: Kibo  
> C U L T U R E: Korekiyo  
> I am not a mom: Kirumi  
> Die: Maki  
> Avocado Jones: Rantaro  
> W/M? What’s that: Tenko  
> Bootleg Kamina: Kaito
> 
> EDIT: i changed up one of Tenko's quotes as it might have given people the wrong idea about her and that was 100% my fault, mbmb

> **Bae-thoven** added **No shit, gonta, kms, miugasm, little shit, I have the power of god, and anime on my side, Megumin, a real boy, C U L T U R E, I am not a mom, die, Avocado Jones, W|M? What's that,** and **bootleg Kamina** to the chat.

I have the power of god: owo

I have the power of god: what is this!

Bae-thoven: it’s a group chat!

Die: we could already tell

Bae-thoven: well it’s a group chat I made just so we as a class could bond more :L

Kms: 

Kms: I want out

> **Kms** left the chat

No shit: hold on, I got this

> **No shit** added **Kms** to the chat

Kms: Let me have this

Avocado Jones: Hoshi you could just turn your phone off

I am not a mom: I believe he did just that

And anime on my side: ummmm

And anime on my side: I don’t mean to expose a friend

And anime on my side: but why does Saihara have Hoshi’s number?

No shit:

Megumin: #exposed

Kms: I tolerate him

Die: 100% can relate

Little shit: whaaaaat

Little shit: Saiharaaaaa how couuuld youuu

Little shit: I thought I was ur favorite D:

Bootleg Kamina: B E T R A Y E D

Little shit: nvm space bf is best boy

W|M? What’s that: ugh. Pls keep ur gay over there

Little shit: *radiates more gay*

A real boy: Chabashira, you are lesbian are you not?

W|M? What’s that: yeah, but like

W|M? What’s that: Ouma is a disgusting degenerate who's with the purple kamina rip off of all people smh

Bootleg Kamina: wait kiibs, how are you even typing on here  
Bootleg Kamina: I thought your fingers couldn't work touchscreens

A real boy: ah about that

A real boy: Iruma and Fujisaki installed all uses of a phone into my main frame!

A real boy: Thus this chat room is uploaded directly into my head and I am able to speak with you all! And I know I said it before but thank you iruma!

Miugasm: ha my genius always pulls through! So no sweat

Die: you're just saying that cause you enjoy touching kibo

Miugasm: WHO FUCKING WOULDN'T

Miugasm: HE’S SO

Miugasm: FUCKING

Miugasm: FIRM

Kms: I need bleach

Gonta: kibo is very hard!

Avocado Jones: gOnTa No

C U L T U R E: so before we open Pandora’s box

C U L T U R E: I demand to know the reasoning behind some of our names

Bae-thoven: tbh I could ask the same to you Shinguji

Bae-thoven: but mine was just me feeling uncreative

I have the power of god: I have the power of god :3c

And anime on my side: And anime on my side >:3c

I have the power of god: It’s so much fun doing that! :D

Megumin: Shirogane showed me KonoSuba

Megumin: I now understand the meaning of life

W|M? What’s that: Tenko is not straight in the slightest

No shit: it’s like “no shit sherlock”

No shit: but i’m a detective

Little shit: ← what I am proud to be >:)

Die: what I want Ouma to do

Little shit: ur so mean Harukawa D:

Die: die

Bootleg Kamina: Kamina is my hero

I am not a mom: my response to Ouma’s insistence on calling me “mom”

Little shit: mother you wound me

I am not a mom: Very well

I am not a mom: You're being fed raw egg on untoasted bread for dinner tonight

C U L T U R E: I believe that is too generous

C U L T U R E: perhaps just egg shells are more suitable?

Little shit: I feel so attacked rn

Avocado Jones: people call me an avocado for some reason

Avocado Jones: and I have just embraced it

Avocado Jones: so then it's like Avocado + Indiana jones

I have the power of god: why is your hair green?

Avocado Jones: why is Momota and Ouma’s hair purple?

I have the power of god: dammit

I have the power of god: welp, Atua will have his revenge someday >:T

A real boy: I feel as though I relate to pinocchio far too well!

Miugasm: you shit wads want to know bout my name?

Miugasm:

Megumin: w

Megumin: what was that

W|M? What’s that: I think that was Iruma moaning extremely loudly

Gonta: is Iruma okay?!

Bae-thoven: yes gonta she’s fine!

Bae-thoven: omg did she just moan louder in response

Bootleg Kamina: i never knew true fear

Little shit: until that shit mongrel started to orgasm at record speed

And anime on my side: I think your synergy is a bit off….

Bootleg Kamina: Nah! That was perfect babe <3

Little shit: <3

W|M? What’s that: L E A V E

Gonta: gonta is gonta!

Bae-thoven: bless

Megumin: bless

I am not a mom: bless

C U L T U R E: bless

And anime on my side: bless

W|M? What’s that: bless

Little shit: bless

die: bless

Bootleg Kamina: bless

No shit: bless

I have the power of god: bless

kms: bless

A real boy: bless (i will also say bless for iruma, since i believe she is still moaning)

Avocado Jones: bless

I have the power of god: are we forgetting anyone for the name explain?

Die: Hoshi

Kms: ?

Bae-thoven: your name……. Explain?

Kms: oh

Kms: its my eternal mood tbh

No shit: that's it I’m giving you a hug

Kms: Saihara no

Bae-thoven: Saihara yes!

Die: I wonder when they will stop pining and just accept their gay love

I have the power of god: only Atua can tell! :3


	2. Late night theories, and new relationships!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bootleg Kamina: so, what if Goofy was raped by (simpsons) skinner's mom, and is therefore skinner”s dad
> 
> No shit: Momota
> 
> No shit: wtf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I return once more, with another chapter in tow! and yes you read that pairing tag right, seesaw man and ropeway girl have joined forces into the ship that is Kiyorumi!!!
> 
> No shit: Shuichi  
> Bae-thoven: Kaede  
> Gonta: Gonta  
> Kms: Ryoma  
> Miugasm: Miu  
> Little shit: Kokichi  
> I have the power of god: Angie  
> And anime on my side: Tsumugi  
> Megumin: Himiko  
> A real boy: Kibo  
> C U L T U R E: Korekiyo→ I am not a dad  
> I am not a mom: Kirumi  
> Die: Maki  
> Avocado Jones: Rantaro  
> W/M? What’s that: Tenko  
> Bootleg Kamina: Kaito

Bootleg Kamina: guys

Bootleg Kamina: guys

Bootleg Kamina: guys I just realized something

Die: ffs its 2 in the morning

Bootleg Kamina: but this is important

Megumin: tooooooo early….

Bootleg Kamina: guys just hear me out!

Avocado Jones: _@Little shit_ pls stop ur bf, we’re begging u

Bootleg Kamina: oh Kokichi’s asleep right next to me

Avocado Jones: dammit

Bootleg Kamina: but seriously. I have a conspiracy theory

And anime on my side: oh dear…

Bootleg Kamina: so, what if Goofy was raped by (simpsons) skinner's mom, and is therefore skinner”s dad

No shit: Momota

No shit: wtf

Bootleg Kamina: crazy right?!

Kms: Shuichi why are you still awake

Kms: 

Kms: Momota wth is wrong with you

Bootleg Kamina: what?! I thought long and hard about this!

Die: maybe thats why your grades are literal ass

Bootleg Kamina: rude

Bae-thoven: so Momota’s theory aside

Bae-thoven: why are you all still awake?! We have a test tomorrow!

No shit: im cramming for said test

No shit: why are you awake Akamatsu?

Bae-thoven: my phone notifications kept going off 

Bae-thoven: when you combine sensitive hearing and being a light sleeper

Bae-thoven: i can wake up to anything tbh

Megumin: same reason ^^^^^

And anime on my side: I’m currently rewatching Kekkai Sensen season 1 now that season 2 is done.

Bae-thoven: at 2 in the morning?!

And anime on my side: _anime means too much to me_

Avocado Jones: jet-lagged from my last trip, so i'm stuck being wide awake atm :|

Kms: i never sleep

Die: ^^^

Bae-thoven: you guys….. You need a good night's rest if you want to stay focused!

Die: guess i’m not staying focused tomorrow

Bae-thoven: >:L

Die: dont >:L me

Kms: well sleep sounds nice

Kms: its too bad Kuwata is blasting metal at two in the fucking morning

Avocado Jones: yikes

Avocado Jones: sounds rough

Bae-thoven: Kuwata as in Leon Kuwata right?

Bae-thoven: Cant you ask him to stop?

Kms: yeah

Kms: he’s definitely gonna listen to a plush faced 3 and a half foot midget

Kms: definitely

Bae-thoven: gfdi

Bae-thoven: why cant anyone just sleep!

Megumin: sleep is a state of existence I need not obey

Megumin: for through my magic

Megumin: i have attained a level of omnipotence no mortal can comprehend

And anime on my side: your starting to sound like Tanaka

Megumin: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

And anime on my side: ب_ب

Avocado Jones: ┬┴┬┴┤(･_├┬┴┬┴

Die: sorry i dont speak emoji

Die: maybe speak english so we can understand

Bootleg Kamina: but

Bootleg Kamina: we’re japanese

Die: shut up

Die: im turning my phone off

Die: bye

No shit: so

No shit: basically its too loud for you to sleep

Kms: yep

No shit: you could stay at my dorm if you want

No shit: pretty sure its the furthest from Kuwata

Kms: you wouldn’t mind?

No shit: of course not

No shit: plus i’m just about ready to pass out and fail tomorrow's test

Bae-thoven: dont say it like that Saihara!

No shit: Akamatsu we have had over a week to study

No shit: and i’m only just cramming now

No shit: plus i cant remember a time i was ever confident

No shit: so theres that too :P

Kms: you’ll do fine

Kms: you're a smart guy

Kms: also im bringing some pillows and blankets with me and omw

No shit: k i’ll leave the door unlocked, just close and lock it when you get here

Kms: thx for this

No shit: np

Avocado Jones:

Bae-thoven:

And anime on my side:

Megumin:

Bootleg Kamina:

Avocado Jones: wow even the alpha gay is speechless

Megumin: ok i think we should all go to sleep

Megumin: im pretty sure Akamatsu’s really close to just barging into our rooms and forcing us to sleep

Bae-thoven: *whistles*

And anime on my side: but!

And anime on my side: i just got to the season one finale!

Avocado Jones: how long is that gonna take?

And anime on my side: about an hour (45 minutes to be more precise)

Bae-thoven: *aggressive whistling*

And anime on my side: oh my look at the time!

And anime on my side: i think going to sleep sounds good!

Avocado Jones: yeah im just gonna crash now

Bae-thoven: Momota

Bootleg Kamina: shit

Bootleg Kamina: Gotta blast

 

Miugasm: FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH A SERRATED SPOON

Miugasm: THAT TEST FUCKING SUCKED DICK

Little shit: translation: “i failed”

No shit: it wasn't as bad as i thought it was

Kms: so you did good?

No shit: nope

W|M? What's that: i think tenko did ok!

W|M? What's that: though what did you guys put for question 10?

Miugasm: 69

Bae-thoven: Iruma…. The answer was 318

W|M? What’s that: that means tenko got it right!

Bae-thoven: :D

I have the power of god: nyahaha! Angie knows she passed!

A real boy: Yonaga you got called out by the teacher because you were reciting a prayer out loud during the test

I have the power of god: details details :3

Gonta: gonta could no understand question 47 D:

Gonta: gonta only know bug history not human history D:

And anime on my side: replace bugs with anime and thats me ._.

I am not a mom: if any of you would like

I am not a mom: I am available for tutoring if you need assistance

C U L T U R E: as someone who has reaped the benefits of said assistance

C U L T U R E: I can vouch for the quality of her assistance

Bootleg Kamina: i mean

Bootleg Kamina: she’s the ultimate maid

Bootleg Kamina: is there anything she cant do

Little shit: cut konjac

I am not a mom:

Little shit: yeah i went to the kitchen to grab some snacks and i saw our class mom trying to cut some

Little shit: it was pretty funny ngl

C U L T U R E: Ouma

C U L T U R E: speak any further on my beloved and you shall find yourself in a rather shallow grave

I have the power of god: OwO

Megumin: did

Avocado Jones: did you just

Bae-thoven: YOU TWO HAVE BEEN DATING?!

I am not a mom: yes that is correct

Bae-thoven: SINCE WHEN?!

C U L T U R E: last month

Miugasm: WHAT THE FUCK

Miugasm: WHATHEACTUALFUCKAKDNSAW

A real boy: i must agree with iruma

A real boy: i am as they say “shooketh” right now

Gonta: Gonta is “shooketh” too!

Gonta: but Gonta happy for friends!

I am not a mom: thank you Gonta, your support is appreciated

And anime on my side: so are we just gonna ignore the fact that Kibo and Gonta just said shooketh

A real boy: was it inappropriate to say?

And anime on my side: no nvm

I have the power of god: Atua demands to know the details of your relationship at once!!!!

C U L T U R E: i could name several ways i could disprove the existence of your god

I am not a mom: Kiyo

C U L T U R E: but i suppose i could indulge you all with what happened

Miugasm: wow, what whipped bitch

C U L T U R E: and you can stay silent you disgusting wench

No shit: careful shinguji

No shit: you know how iruma takes insults

C U L T U R E: reluctantly, i admit you are right

Bae-thoven: we’re getting off topic!

C U L T U R E: I was intrigued by her victorian era esque attire

C U L T U R E: and i am, as Iruma so eloquently puts

C U L T U R E: “a slut for history”

Avocado Jones: tbh tho she’s not wrong

Avocado Jones: omfg pls dont kill me

C U L T U R E: say what you will

C U L T U R E: but before i knew it i started to follow her around

C U L T U R E: deeming that simple intrigue from looking at her was insufficient

I am not a mom: and you would think he is joking

I am not a mom: however, i can name several moments off the top of my head from when i spotted him peeking around a corner and observing me

C U L T U R E: was i at least remotely stealthy?

I am not a mom: yes dear you were <3

Die: i never knew i would see the day when Toujo would use the heart emoji

W/M? What’s that: are you telling me

W/M? What’s that: your relationship started from you stalking Toujo

W/M? What’s that: disgusting

I am not a mom: please do not be so spiteful

C U L T U R E: back to the story

C U L T U R E: before i knew it, she offered to be acquaintances and allowed me to observe her actions up close

C U L T U R E: then i helped her out with some menial tasks

C U L T U R E: and she found herself drawn to my similar devotion to how i attempt her craft

I am not a mom: and then we slowly became the couple you see now

I have the power of god: how wonderful!

I have the power of god: Atua is pleased at this stunning revelation (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 

A real boy: im sorry but

A real boy: you got _Toujo_ to let you assist her

A real boy: the same Toujo who would not allow me to wash my plate because she told me she would do it?

Bootleg Kamina: what were you doing with a plate though?

Bootleg Kamina: i thought robots didn't eat

A real boy: i will write off your cyber robophobia as your usual stupidity

W/M? What’s that: Destroyed

Megumin: set on fire

Gonta: poor Momota D:

Bootleg Kamina: im hurt kiibs D:

A real boy: and to answer your question, I was returning from Tanaka’s lab

A real boy: he was letting me feed and interact with his animal friends :D

Megumin: wow he even ignored him

Little shit: Kibo you heartless robot, how could you be so mean (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

A real boy: did you all hear something?

A real boy: i think i am hearing the sound of ignorant and robophobic dinguses at the moment

And anime on my side: LMAO

Bae-thoven: JFC KIBO

No shit: oh

No shit: i was wondering why Ryoma was laughing so hard

Kms: this is the gold i need in my life

Die: since when were you two on first name basis

No shit:

Kms:

No shit: we’re good friends

Kms: ^

W/M? What’s that: nice save

And anime on my side: Saihara, you do realize Hoshi pretty much only spends time with you?

And anime on my side: and by anime rules

And anime on my side: that's shipping material!!!

Die: i’m pretty sure i saw you two one time wearing each others hats

Bootleg Kamina: you two play tennis together all the time

And anime on my side: AND YOU TWO WATCHED PRINCE OF TENNIS WITHOUT ME >:(

Gonta: are Saihara and Hoshi also dating?

Gonta: gonta had suspicions but congratulations!

Avocado Jones: wow even Gonta suspected you

Gonta: Gonta take that as compliment :D

No shit: WE ARE NOT DATING

Kms: never have we both felt so attacked

Bae-thoven: mhm

Bae-thoven: right

No shit: why must you be like this

Kms: i mean this class in general

Kms: is probably the most dysfunctional thing ever

I have the power of god: and yet we are all so tightly knitted ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Bae-thoven: yeah!

 

Little shit: *takes Saihara’s detective hat*

Little shit: fella’s

Little shit: comrades

Little shit: I just thought of something

Megumin: uh oh

Little shit: if Shinguji and mom are dating

Little shit: does that make Shinguji our dad?

> **C U L T U R E** changed their name to **I am not a dad**

I am not a dad: i will never be your father you little shit

Little shit: thats me :D

I am not a mom: Ouma i believe Kiyo just got up and is currently running to your dorm with a fly swatter in hand

Little shit: KAITO HELP

Little shit: IM PRETTY SURE HE’S PICKING THE LOCK TO MY DOOR

Bootleg Kamina: fuck that, Shinguji with a fly swatter sounds terrifying

Kms: i can't believe Ouma is fucking dead

W/M? What’s that: and good riddance

Little shit: NJGEJKDFBAJKLEWBFQJK

>   
>  **Little shit** changed their name to **Ouma is now dead**  
> 

Ouma is now dead: this is Shinguji, and Ouma just passed out

Ouma is now dead: so let this be a lesson :^)

Avocado Jones: i am legitimately scared now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.... yeah. if any of you are wondering, that goofy theory was spawned from a good sleepy discord friend of mine who was just listening to goofy music while watching steamed hams, and someone told him that goofy sounds like skinner. and before we knew it, that idea just devolved into this monstrosity theory.


	3. How to expose yourself /w Shuichi Saihara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And anime on my side: Hoshi you silly child
> 
> And anime on my side: go to your man!
> 
> And anime on my side: and make this ship a reality!!!!!!
> 
> Kms: im who’s man and what ship?
> 
> Little shit: ngl i read that as “make this shit a reality”
> 
> And anime on my side: SAME THING

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *puts on Persona 5 Akira phantom thief mask*  
> "ITS TIME"
> 
> No shit: Shuichi  
> Bae-thoven: Kaede  
> Gonta: Gonta  
> Kms: Ryoma  
> Miugasm: Miu  
> Little shit: Kokichi  
> I have the power of god: Angie  
> And anime on my side: Tsumugi  
> Megumin: Himiko  
> A real boy: Kibo  
> I am not a dad: Korekiyo  
> I am not a mom: Kirumi  
> Die: Maki  
> Avocado Jones: Rantaro  
> W/M? What’s that: Tenko  
> Bootleg Kamina: Kaito

Gonta: _@Bootleg Kamina_

Gonta: Gonta have question

Bootleg Kamina: yeah?

Gonta: what is this

Gonta: “Goofy theory” Momota had other night?

No shit: ngl im also kinda curious

No shit: just because i want to know wth was going through your head at that time

Avocado Jones: same

I have the power of god: what are these theories we are talking about?

Bootleg Kamina: basically i theorized that goofy was raped by skinners mom and is therefore skinners dad

I am not a dad: i see

I am not a dad: intriguing

I have the power of god: Momota

I have the power of god: you are not going to heaven

Bootleg Kamina: wtf?!

Miugasm: so you're telling me

Miugasm: that skinners mom

Miugasm: decided to get kinky as shit and fuck a talking dog

Bootleg Kamina: yep

A real boy: status update on Iruma, she is uncontrollably drooling on her phone and i do believe her eyes just went up inside her head

Die: sounds normal

Avocado Jones: ok but actually

Avocado Jones: i think i speak for everyone when i ask

Avocado Jones: what the actual fuck was going on in your head when you came up with this

W/M? What’s that: for once i agree with the male

Bootleg Kamina: basically

Bootleg Kamina: i was watching a bunch of steamed hams meme videos with kokichi

Bootleg Kamina: and he was blasting goofy music

Bae-thoven: why were you two…

Bae-thoven: you know what nevermind

Bootleg Kamina: one thing led to another

Bootleg Kamina: and he ended up just saying

Bootleg Kamina: “wow, skinner kinda sounds like goofy”

Kms: ouma created and started the theory on goofy

I am not a dad: why am i not surprised

Bae-thoven: rt if you were surprised

No shit: 

Kms:

Miugasm:

I have the power of god:

And anime on my side:

Megumin:

A real boy:

I am not a dad:

I am not a mom:

Die:

Avocado Jones:

W/M? What’s that:

Gonta: rt!

Megumin: welp

> **Ouma is now dead** changed their name to **Little shit**

Little shit: awwww, Gonta cares :D

W/M? What’s that: oh fuck he’s back

Little shit: >:3c

I am not a mom: Kiyo

I am not a dad: already grabbing the fly swatter

Little shit: father why must you do this to me

 

No shit: Toujo i was wondering if your offer for tutoring was still available

I am not a mom: of course

I am not a mom: however due to my many other duties i must attend to

I am not a mom: i can only tutor you on tuesdays and fridays at the moment

No shit: you cant slip the time in for saturdays?

I am not a dad: unfortunately that day is reserved for the two of us

I am not a mom: a date day if you will

I am not a mom: apologies

No shit: its fine

No shit: Ryoma are you ok with moving our tennis practice to mondays?

Kms: sure i don't mind all that much

Kms: your studies come first dude (thumbsup)

No shit: thx man (thumbsup)

Megumin: im shook?

Megumin: i have never seen Hoshi smile like this before

Kms: i have no idea what you’re talking about

And anime on my side: if its not too much trouble could i join in on the tutor sessions?

And anime on my side: i dont think my grades have been as squeaky clean as i would like them to be

Megumin: same here

I am not a mom: very well then

I am not a mom: i should be able to cover lessons for all of you

I am not a mom: may i ask though which subjects in particular you need guidance on?

No shit: hmm

No shit: all of them?

Megumin: ^

And anime on my side: ^

I am not a mom: ………..

I am not a mom: oh dear

Bae-thoven: how are you guys so far behind in your studies?!

And anime on my side: too much anime

Megumin: im a lazy mage

Megumin: and i am proud

No shit: too much detective work coming in

Kms: and probably me

Kms: mb

No shit: nooooooo dont blame yourself D:

Kms: i mean its true though, i am kinda distracting you from your work

Die: yeah

Die: “distracting him”

Little shit: in the best way ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

No shit: ouma no

I am not a mom: regardless of your issues regarding your studies

I am not a mom: rest assured i shall do my best to assist you all

Bae-thoven: isn't that kinda a big workload to teach though?

I am not a dad: worry not, she is just going to resort to plan B as you will

W/M? What's that: plan B?

I am not a mom: it's nothing you need to fret over

I am not a mom: now if you will excuse me, i shall go reserve a lockable windowless room for us to study in

Megumin:

No shit:

And anime on my side: 

And anime on my side: suddenly i feel regret agreeing to this

I am not a dad: escape is futile against her btw

I am not a dad: she can and will chase after you

Avocado Jones: in heels?

I am not a dad: yes

I am not a dad: and it is possibly the most impressive spectacle to witness

Megumin: you are not helping

I am not a dad: all in a day's work

 

 

W/M? What’s that: Akamatsu you left your wallet in the locker room

Bae-thoven: AHHHHHH I WAS WONDERING WHERE I LEFT THAT

Bae-thoven: TYSM

W/M? What’s that: np, i’ll drop it off to u

W/M? What’s that: ur in the piano room right?

Bae-thoven: yup!

W/M? What’s that: omw then

A real boy: has Akamatsu been engaging in physical activities as of late?

A real boy: i have often seen her going to the locker room and gym with Chabashira recently

Bae-thoven: mhm, i’ve been feeling out of shape recently, so i’ve asked Chabashira if she could work out with me

W/M? What’s that: and it's a lot of fun to have training buddies :D

Bae-thoven: :D

Avocado Jones: buddies?

W/M? What’s that: yes! Asahina and Oogami frequent the gym often as well!

W/M? What’s that: we do swimming, sparring, running

W/M? What’s that: Tenko couldn't ask for anything more!

Bootleg Kamina: Chabashira: “i am a content lesbian”

W/M? What’s that: for once, i agree with you

Bae-thoven: although, im left really sore afterwards :L

Bae-thoven: it makes playing the piano sorta tough tho ngl

W/M? What’s that: that just shows your body is getting tougher!

Miugasm: are we talking about fucking or working out?

Little shit: how about both?

W/M? What’s that: die

Die: you called?

Bootleg Kamina: Harumaki please don't kill him

Bootleg Kamina: he means good i swear

Die: 1) stop fucking calling me that its annoying

Die: 2) i think we can all agree that Ouma is literal shit

I have the power of god: both you and ouma will not be let into heaven

Megumin: i mean, you gotta admit he is kinda 

Megumin: well

W/M? What’s that: shit?

W/M? What’s that: tenko agrees

Little shit:

Little shit: oh

Little shit: i see how it is

> **Little shit** left the chat

> **Bootleg Kamina** added **Little shi** t to the chat

Bootleg Kamina: baabe dont be upset D:

Little shit: leave me alone

Little shit: dont waste ur time with me

Bootleg Kamina: ok im headed to ur dorm with some soda and games

Bootleg Kamina: and i want you to open the door for me ok?

Little shit: fine…

Megumin: did we fuck up?

W/M? What’s that: tenko doesnt give a shit

Die: same here

A real boy: i am honestly rather surprised at how good of a boyfriend Momota is

A real boy: taking action like that

Avocado Jones: ikr

Bootleg Kamina: im always a good bf

Little shit: he really is

Little shit: you guys should be jealous >:)

And anime on my side: he recovered rather fast…

Little shit: what can i say

Little shit: soda, games, space boi

Little shit: that can make anyone happy right?

Megumin: no i think that's just you

 

 

No shit: Listen

No shit: Ryoma

No shit: i get you are a good friend to me

No shit: but words can describe how much you mean to me you know?

No shit: and i have a feeling you don't feel the same

No shit: but i really like you

No shit: and i'm not telling you this because i want you to say yes

No shit: but just because i feel really guilty thinking about you the way i do without you knowing

No shit: and if you want to stop being friends then i understand completely and will respect your decision

No shit: wait fuck shit

**No shit deleted No shit ‘s texts**

Die: nice

**Die posted a screenshot**

Bae-thoven: AWWWW

I have the power of god: \ (•◡•) /\ (•◡•) /\ (•◡•) /\ (•◡•) /\ (•◡•) /\ (•◡•) /\ (•◡•) /\ (•◡•) /

Avocado Jones: holy shit that is so sweet

Bootleg Kamina: welcome to the club man!

And anime on my side: HAS THE SHIP SAILED?!

No shit: TAKE THAT DOWN GFDI HE’S GONNA SEE

W/M? What’s that: _@kms_

W/M? What’s that: binch im taking u down to gay hell with me

W/M? What’s that: so man up u weak degenerate male

No shit: CHABASHIRA NO

No shit: AKAMATSU STOP HER

Bae-thoven: sorry no can do

No shit: BJKSBFASBFAWJ

> **No shit** left the chat

Kms: can someone explain to me why Shuichi just stormed off and ran to his room crying and yelling

I am not a dad: scroll up

Kms:

Kms:

And anime on my side: i am literally shaking rn

Megumin: same

Bae-thoven: same

A real boy: same

Avocado Jones: same

I have the power of god: same

And anime on my side: Hoshi you silly child

And anime on my side: go to your man!

And anime on my side: and make this ship a reality!!!!!!

Kms: im who’s man and what ship?

Little shit: ngl i read that as “make this shit a reality”

And anime on my side: SAME THING

Bae-thoven: cmon you obviously feel the same about him!

I am not a mom: agreed

A real boy: if this succeeds i believe it will be rather healthy for the both of you!

Megumin: ^

Avocado Jones: ^

I am not a dad: ^

Kms: jfc since when were u all this nosy wth

 

> **Private chat with No shit**

Kms: Shu come on

Kms: im right outside you door

Kms: you can talk to me

Kms: im not mad

No shit: why

No shit: why aren't you upset

No shit: i just embarrassed myself talking about you like that

No shit: and didnt think that confession through

Kms: did you mean it though?

No shit: well yeah

No shit: you always put yourself down

No shit: and you always treat yourself like your not as good of a person as you think you are

No shit: but your always so nice to other people

No shit: your respectful to others

No shit: and even after everything that's happened to you regarding your family and lover and the mafia

No shit: you still put on a strong face

No shit: whenever i spend time with you, i feel like my insecurities melt away and i can just be content spending time with you y’know?

No shit: and whenever we play tennis or hang out, that cloud over your head seems to clear away and I can see you for the really nice guy you really are

No shit: thats why im pissed at myself for thinking of you like i have been cause it just feels like im taking advantage of our friendship

Kms: Shuichi

Kms: gfdi you're not taking advantage of our friendship

Kms: and to be perfectly honest

Kms: im not entirely innocent in this either

No shit: ?

Kms: you’re the type of person i admire because of how smart and how willing you are to sit down and listen to others

Kms: you didn't just listen to my story

Kms: you stuck by me, knowing everything i've done

Kms: you still considered me a good friend

Kms: and whenever i seem to just want to give up on life in general

Kms: you’re always there to pick me up and help me put a smile on my face

No shit: i just thought that's what friends do…

Kms: what you do for me is something that not alot of friends do

Kms: to me you make living actually really nice

Kms: im always scared that one day i’ll lose everything again like i did way back then

Kms: but whenever i'm with you, i feel safe 

Kms: safe, secure and just feel like i can finally smile again.

Kms: thats why its really hurting me seeing you like this

No shit: but don't you feel angry at all?!

Kms: who said i was angry?

Kms: if you really are serious and feel like that

Kms: i wouldn't mind Shu

Kms: if anything i’d be really happy

Kms: but only if you really want to

Kms: i don't want to be selfish and drag you into something you don't want okay?

No shit: okay

No shit: thank you so much

Kms: took the words right out of my mouth

No shit: im unlocking the door can you stay here with me?

No shit: my eyes hurt from crying

No shit: ok wow that is a really tight hug you are putting me in

 

Miugasm: where the fuck are they?! Its been like 4 days what the hell

A real boy: actually its just been 3 hours….

Bae-thoven: now im worried we might have destroyed a really good friendship

Die: i mean it was gonna happen eventually

Bootleg Kamina: Just give them time!

Bootleg Kamina: you cant just rush stuff like this!

I am not a dad: if i recall you two started dating just because Ouma tackled you to the ground, kissed you on the cheek and then you both decided you were dating

Little shit: dont be jealous :3

Bae-thoven: OMFG HE DM’D ME AND IS COMING BACK

And anime on my side: SILENCE EVERYONE SILENCE

Megumin: (casts silence magic) ╰ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ) つ ── ☆ *: ・ﾟ

> **Bae-thoven** added **No shit** to the chat

No shit: welp

No shit: I got a boyfriend now

I have the power of god: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Gonta: congratulations :D

Bootleg Kamina: *hugs Saihara, Hoshi and Ouma*

Little shit: yes Saihara

Little shit: _you have now joined the gay side_

And anime on my side: I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED

No shit: basically some sappy and cheesy words

No shit: and some crying

And anime on my side: GOOD ENOUGH

Megumin: let it be known, that this relationship started because Saihara outed himself like a silly gay boy

Avocado Jones: where is Hoshi rn anyway?

No shit: asleep 

No shit: after some mutual sobbing, we ended up cuddling and he’s fast asleep and is kinda gripping my chest in a death grip rn

W/M? What’s that: are you complaining?

No shit: nope

No shit: this is the cutest i have ever seen him ngl

Avocado Jones: damn he embraced the gay fast

I am not a mom: to mark this joyous occasion, i can make a cake for you two?

No shit: Toujo you really dont need to

I am not a mom: fruit scones and tea it is

I am not a dad: i shall assist you if you wish

I am not a mom: thank you <3

I am not a dad: <3

Kms: did you really need to tell them what happened?

No shit: nope, but they were gonna wriggle it out of us eventually

Kms: true

Megumin: so gay

No shit: what can i say

No shit: we are sappy and sad gays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	4. Single people solidarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am not a mom: Shirogane please
> 
> And anime on my side: YOU
> 
> Megumin: SHALL NOT
> 
> Bae-thoven: P
> 
> I have the power of god: A
> 
> Miugasm: ASS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rises from the ashes* I RETURN.  
> sorry this fic took a while, i was stuck writing that saihoshi valentines day fic, then writers block hit me like a truck for this chapter :P (and yes i get valentines day was days ago, but shhhhhh)  
> so without further ado, after that saihoshi angst with a happy ending segment last chapter, lets get some humour back in here shall we :)
> 
> No shit: Shuichi  
> Bae-thoven: Kaede  
> Gonta: Gonta  
> Kms: Ryoma  
> Miugasm: Miu  
> Little shit: Kokichi  
> I have the power of god: Angie  
> And anime on my side: Tsumugi  
> Megumin: Himiko  
> A real boy: Kibo  
> I am not a dad: Korekiyo  
> I am not a mom: Kirumi  
> Die: Maki  
> Avocado Jones: Rantaro  
> W/M? What’s that: Tenko  
> Bootleg Kamina: Kaito

Miugasm: so if i took a balloon and shoved it up my ass

Miugasm: then inflated it, does that make it an inflatable buttplug?

And anime on my side: *rubs eyes*

And anime on my side: *puts on new glasses*

And anime on my side:[ಠ]╭╮[ಠ]

And anime on my side: iRuMa WhY?!

I have the power of god: how lewd! (ʘᗩʘ')

Little shit: if you put helium in there would you start floating up with your ass in the air?

Little shit: we couklsdasdsfa

W/M? What’s that: my job here is complete

Bae-thoven: chabashira did you really need to drop kick him?

W/M? What’s that: it was for a good cause

Die: good cause indeed

Gonta: why would iruma put balloon up there?

Gonta: that doesnt sound very clean at all…

Avocado Jones: no one explain

Megumin: agreed

 

 

Bae-thoven: anyone know where Saihara went?

Bae-thoven: i needed to thank him for getting me that metronome

Avocado Jones: he got you a metronome?

Bae-thoven: yeah, tho i dont know where he gets these things 

Gonta: gonta got an insect gourd from him : D

I have the power of god: he offered me some art supplies like gold origami paper as well :D

A real boy: actually Hoshi appears to be missing as well

Miugasm: i bet you theyre roughing up eachothers ass holes if you know what i mean

Die: honestly

Die: i really would not put that past them

Megumin: they are pretty gay

Miugasm: PLUS HOSHIS STATISTICALLY THE MOST EFFICIENT HEIGHT FOR SUCKING DICK >:)

W/M? What’s that: that is so true it hurts

I have the power of god: actually where are those two? im curious!

Megumin: its not just those two, i cant find ouma, momota or maid mom and stick dad

Avocado Jones: “stick dad”

Megumin: please dont tell him i said that

I am not a dad: foolish child

I am not a dad: i see all

Megumin: i legit almost dropped my phone into my tea at that

I am not a dad: you’re welcome

Bae-thoven: so where are you right now? Most of us were just wondering

Die: we were?

I am not a dad: need I remind you that today is Valentines day?

Die: oh right

Die: thats a thing

Bae-thoven: wait so

Bae-thoven: @No Shit

No shit: i WaS sUmMoNeD?!

And anime on my side: hey i already did that D:<

No shit: whoops

Bae-thoven: where are u rn? I was gonna try and thank u for the metronome u gave me but i cant find u

Megumin: we also couldnt find hoshi

No shit: we’re on a date rn

Bae-thoven: wow you two are already on your first date?!

A real boy: are you two not rushing things a bit?

A real boy: you two only became a thing no less than a week ago

Kms: nah

Kms: its valentines day so why not

No shit: ^

I am not a dad: best of luck to both of you

I am not a dad: now if you will excuse me, i have a gf to attend to

I have the power of god: atua sends his regards!

No shit: thx

Kms: thx

Avocado Jones: so i guess this also answers our question on the purple haired gays

Die: guys or gays?

Avocado Jones: both?

A real boy: yep

Die: ngl i kinda forgot valentines day existed

Bae-thoven: im surprised i forgot it was today

Bae-thoven: though that does explain why i got some chocolate out of the blue today

Avocado Jones: same

Gonta: oooh that explains why girls gave gonta chocolates

Miugasm: WHAT THE FUCK WHY DIDNT I GET ANY

And anime on my side: i feel like that answer should be obvious

Miugasm: THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

And anime on my side: i repeat my statement

Megumin: fuq now i really want chocolate

W/M? What’s that: you didnt get any?

Megumin: i did

Megumin: but my pigeons might have eaten them

A real boy: isnt that bad?

Megumin: oh no yeah

Megumin: im already digging a grave for them

I have the power of god: actually

I have the power of god: i got lots of chocolate chips!

W/M? What’s that: why chocolate chips

I have the power of god: they’re atua’s favorite :D

W/M? What’s that: well

W/M? What’s that: nvm

Gonta: what is Yonaga going to do with chocolate chips?

I have the power of god: Atua says….

I have the power of god: to make pancakes with them!

Miugasm: FUCK YEAH CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES

Miugasm: PUT’EM IN ME BITCH

I have the power of god: about that

I have the power of god: I suck at cooking

Bae-thoven: even pancakes?

I have the power of god: i cant make a good pot of rice

A real boy: but we have a rice cooker

I have the power of god: exactly :3

And anime on my side: wheres Toujo when we need her

Gonta: gonta can make pancakes :)

W/M? What’s that: wait actually

Gonta: of course!

Gonta: gentleman always can help make food for friends!

Gonta: its gonna take time, but come to kitchen if you want pancakes :D

I have the power of god: *nyooms to kitchen with chocolate*

Megumin: *magics there*

 

 

Bae-thoven: ok Gonta i love these pancakes

Bae-thoven: but i think we got too many

Megumin: nonsense there is no such thing as too many

Bae-thoven: Yumeno there are like

Bae-thoven: 17 trays of pancakes

Gonta: gonta sorry D:

I have the power of god: dont apologize for making such delicious treats :D

Miugasm: legit tho wtf

Miugasm: how the fuck does tarzan know how to make good ass pancakes

A real boy: even harukawa seems to be enjoying herself

Die: i have no clue what you mean

Gonta: How do pancakes taste so good?

Gonta: its a gonta secret ;^)

Avocado jones: did

W/M? What’s that: you 

Die: just

A real boy: i am suddenly concerned as to what went into those pancakes

Gonta: gonta didnt add anything bad!

And anime on my side: no thats not it…

Bae-thoven: so what should we do with all these pancakes

Bae-thoven: cause the amount we have is concerning

Avocado Jones: we could always share with the other classes

Avocado Jones: single people solidarity amirite?

And anime on my side: i’ll call up class 77 then!

A real boy: you have their number?

And anime on my side: i have Nanami’s number as we do collaborative cosplays together :)

Bae-thoven: let me call Sayaka then!

Miugasm: HELL YEAH PANCAKE PARTY

Gonta: :D

 

 

Bootleg Kamina: what the hell you guys have a pancake party without us?!

Little shit: i thought we were friends D:

Little shit: how could we ever survive a betrayal like this D:

Die: since when the hell were we friends

W/M? What’s that: ^

Bootleg Kamina: but actually why is it you guys are just

Bootleg Kamina: chilling in the dining room with a shit ton of pancakes

Avocado Jones: single people pity party

Megumin: exactly

Megumin: so shoo

And anime on my side: shoo

Bae-thoven: shoo

A real boy: shoo

Miugasm: FUCK OFF

Die: shoo

I have the power of god: shoo

Gonta: shoo?

W/M? What’s that: shoo

Avocado Jones: shoo

No shit: we’re baaaack

Megumin: BEGONE

Megumin: DONT MAKE ME USE MY MAGIC

No shit: D:

Kms: i feel so attacked rn

Bootleg Kamina: saem

And anime on my side: “saem”

Bootleg Kamina: totally meant to do that

Little shit: fine if we arent allowed then in that case

Little shit: *drags saihara and hoshi*

Kms: um what

Little shit: if we arent allowed then we make our own group!

Bootleg Kamina: relationship solidarity amirite

Avocado jones: :|

Little shit: alright! movie night in the living room!

Kms: how bout no?

No shit: im sure it wouldn't hurt

Kms: how bout sure?

Megumin: such whipped

Kms: i am a simple man

No shit: we are simple and gay

Kms: exactly

No shit: wait hold on

No shit: @die im still mad at u 

Die: um

Die: for what?

No shit: for screenshotting my dumpsterfire of a confession

Die: its not my fault you posted that in the gc

Die: plus it was just getting irritating watching you two be so oblivious for like

Die: months

Bae-thoven: its true, it was making alot of us facepalm

No shit: but you didnt have to repost it D:

W/M? What’s that: are you complaining at the results

No shit: well

No shit: no

Die: case closed

Megumin: the detective just got the case closed treatment

I am not a dad: we have returned

I have the power of god: welcome back :D

Little shit: MOTHER 

Little shit: FATHER 

Little shit: JOIN US

Bootleg Kamina: we got kicked out for not being single

Bootleg Kamina: and so we’re having a movie night for revenge

I am not a dad: i see

I am not a mom: if its a request then i suppose i have no choice

I am not a mom: may you all clear out of the kitchen

And anime on my side: NEVER >:)

I am not a mom: Shirogane please

And anime on my side: YOU

Megumin: SHALL NOT

Bae-thoven: P

I have the power of god: A

Miugasm: ASS

I am not a dad: say your prayers

A real boy: why?

A real boy: oh

Avocado Jones: yikes

Gonta: oh no!

Kms: what happened?

Avocado Jones: lets just say

Avocado Jones: Toujo just slowly walked up to them

Avocado Jones: and just quickly pressed their pressure points

Avocado Jones: and before we knew it they were on the ground

W/M? What’s that: *seething jealousy that Shinguji is dating her*

Bootleg Kamina: yeah im gay, but that sounds bad ass

No shit: same

Kms: same

Little shit: same

I am not a dad: my girlfriend quite literally “kicking ass” aside

I am not a dad: have you decided what we are gonna watch?

Little shit: yeah

Little shit: no

Bootleg Kamina: plan B

Bootleg Kamina: Saihara, bro!

Bootleg Kamina: you got anything you want to watch?

No shit: no

Bootleg Kamina: fuck

Bootleg Kamina: Hoshi?

Kms: no

Bootleg Kamina: dammit

Bootleg Kamina: plan C

Bootleg Kamina: Shirogane you got any anime recommendations?

And anime on my side: RECOVERY OF AN MMO JUNKIE!!!!!!!!!

Kms: wasnt she unconscious?

Avocado Jones: the power of anime summoned her

No shit: looking it up rn

I am not a dad: if i recall, it is a romance anime of two individuals who meet online and unknowingly meet each other in real life

Kms: fml he’s cackling right next to me

Little shit: im coming back with a bunch of pillow and blankets!

No shit: where did you get all those

Little shit: i broke into your rooms

Little shit: lock picking is a trademark supreme leader skill after all >:D

No shit: please tell me you didnt go through my stuff

Little shit: not yours

Kms:

Kms: why do you have one of my hats

Little shit: cause it looks super dope

Little shit: and i think thats something we can all agree on

A real boy: agreed

I am not a dad: it is rather intriguing

Kms: just give it back later

I am not a mom: i have prepared hot cocoa and cookies

Gonta: how did Toujo prepare those so fast?!

I am not a mom: i had cookie dough frozen, and chocolate portioned out

I am not a mom: that and i had Souda build me a quick heat oven

I am not a mom: its quite useful

No shit: ok starting up the show

And anime on my side: have fun watching its super cute!!!

A real boy: how are you still conscious after what Toujo did

And anime on my side: oh true

Avocado jones: and she just passed out again

Die: rest in pieces

 

 

Bae-thoven: so i just woke up

Bae-thoven: its the middle of the night and the tv was on

Bae-thoven: and saw all 6 of them just sleeping together

I have the power of god: send pics!

**Bae-thoven posted a picture**

Avocado Jones: damn hoshi getting suffocated

A real boy: but he looks so happy

Die: wait

Die: is shinguji drooling through his mask

Megumin: yup

Bae-thoven: wait

Bae-thoven: WHY ARE YOU GUYS AWAKE

Die: fuck we are not having this convo again

I have the power of god: its the weekend is it not?

Bae-thoven: but like

Bae-thoven: MOST OF US got knocked out by Toujo

Bae-thoven: so why didnt anyone wake me up!

Megumin: gee willikers i think i gotta go!

I have the power of god: *nyoom*

Bae-thoven: i feel so betrayed


	5. Embrace the house!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A real boy: that works too
> 
> Megumin: holy shit he is a furry
> 
> Edgy furry: what is this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so so sorry this took me a while. writers block + school + maybe being addicted to final fantasy 14 dont help me alot when it comes to updating this fic every week like i wanted :L  
> but oh well, that wont stop me from trying anyway>:)  
> (also GUNDAHM APPEARS for a bit at least)  
> No shit: Shuichi  
> Bae-thoven: Kaede  
> Gonta: Gonta  
> Kms: Ryoma  
> Miugasm: Miu  
> Little shit: Kokichi  
> I have the power of god: Angie  
> And anime on my side: Tsumugi  
> Megumin: Himiko  
> A real boy: Kibo  
> I am not a dad: Korekiyo  
> I am not a mom: Kirumi  
> Die: Maki  
> Avocado Jones: Rantaro  
> W/M? What’s that: Tenko  
> Bootleg Kamina: Kaito
> 
> Edgy furry: Gundahm

Avocado Jones: holy shit guys

And anime on my side: whats wrong?

Avocado Jones: i thought our class was pretty gay

Avocado Jones: but like

Avocado Jones: fml i need to sit down

A real boy: but you’re lying down on the couch right now

Avocado Jones: details details

Bae-thoven: whats wrong tho actually

Avocado Jones: do you want the short version or full version

No shit: why not both

Avocado Jones: tl;dr i needed to wash my hands and when i went to the boys bathroom I heard Oowada and Ishimaru doing god knows what

Megumin: T H O S E A R E N ‘ T F R I E N D S H I P N O I S E S

Little shit: fuck we’ve been out gayed

Avocado Jones: i went to wash my hands and i left feeling dirtier than before

Avocado Jones: no amount of bleach can cleanse what i heard

Gonta: can Yonaga’s god help rantaro?

I have the power of god: sorry atua can’t cleanse the sounds of fucking

Avocado Jones: i want a refund

I have the power of god: no takesie backsies :3c

Avocado Jones: fuck

Avocado Jones:

Die: did our local avocado break

Avocado Jones: i went to get something to drink

Avocado Jones: and i just walk in on momota and ouma making the fuck out

Megumin: are you just

Megumin: a living walking magnet of gay

Avocado Jones: I DONT KNOW

Avocado Jones: oh thank god

Avocado Jones: i just see hoshi and saihara walk past holding hands

And anime on my side: DID YOU JUST SAY

And anime on my side: HAND HOLDING?!

Die: hand holding

Megumin: truly lewder than fucking and sucking face combined

Avocado Jones: i miss the concept of sympathy

 

W/M? What’s that: Tenko has a problem

W/M? What’s that: i actually think i’ve been cursed

No shit: cursed like >:3c cursed

No shit: or cursed like bad luck curse

W/M? What’s that: Tanaka curse

Megumin: oh shit

Megumin: the curse from the resident furry lord

I have the power of god: FURRY LORD

Miugasm: the fuck. why are you scared of that commando furry

I am not a dad: i had no idea you knew what punctuation was

Miugasm: shove a seesaw up your ass fuckface

Die: wtf seesaw

I am not a dad: long story

Kms: why commando

Miugasm: i tried blasting his ass with my ray gun

Miugasm: BUT NOTHING CAME OUT

Bootleg Kamina: i legit squinted and read that as “i tried blasting his ass but nothing came out”

Kms: pretty sure thats the same thing

And anime on my side: so he actually goes commando

A real boy: what does commando mean?

A real boy: i never took him for the military type

Avocado Jones: you poor sweet robot

A real boy: ?

Die: it means he doesnt wear underwear

Miugasm: or → he can flash his junk if you just pull his pants

Die: i guess that works too

Gonta: gonta do that too sometimes!

Gonta: it super comfy

A real boy: i… i see?

Little shit: *pity pats kiibs*

I am not a mom: gonta please put on some undergarments

I am not a mom: its not a very gentlemanly thing to do to abstain from wearing them

Gonta: it isnt?!

Miugasm: the fuck you talking about?! Let tarzan do whatever the fuck he wants

Kms: wow thats surprisingly nice coming from you

Miugasm: we might get to fucking debunk if he has a tree trunk dick or not

Kms: and i retract my statement

W/M? What’s that: ……

W/M? What’s that: >gets ignored

Bae-thoven: no we’re all definitely listening!

I have the power of god: : D

And anime on my side: :D

W/M? What’s that: fuck im gay

Bootleg Kamina: is that new?

W/M? What’s that: no

W/M? What’s that: but long story short, i might have crashed into Tanaka on my morning jog and got startled and kicked him across the head on reflex

W/M? What’s that: next thing i knew he told me “you will reap the storm of misfortune, mark my words you accursed fiend! For you shall learn the grave mistake of crossing the Tanaka Empire!”

Megumin: sounds like him alright

Bae-thoven: but thats just him being overdramatic?

I am not a dad: words do carry significant power

I have the power of god: also Akamatsu, i remember seeing a dumpster truck explode near him one time after he was done shouting his stuff

Bootleg Kamina: oh is that what that loud ass noise was last week?

Die: what the hell did you think it was

Bootleg Kamina: good point

Little shit: hopes peak academy

Little shit: the school where explosions are just par the course

Kms: and wierd af people

No shit: and sweet af people

Kms: <3

No shit: <3

I have the power of god: *sits back with popcorn*

I have the power of god: *getting my daily fill of these two being sappy af*

I am not a dad: our*

Avocado Jones: back onto tanaka, im pretty sure part of the school crumbled around him when he was having a fight with himiko

A real boy: you had a fight with tanaka?

Megumin: i had to assert my magical dominance

Megumin: then next thing i knew the wall around him just fell apart and i just backed the fuck off

W/M? What’s that: see what i mean!

W/M? What’s that: and just earlier today the punching bag broke and i nearly choked on my food today!

Bae-thoven: look if it will put you at ease Chabashira, we could always add him here to clear this shit 

Bae-thoven: fml i dont have his number

Megumin: cant help you there

Avocado Jones: same here

I am not a mom: he was rather privy to his contacts when i inquired on it to aid in my cleaning

A real boy: then it appears our only option is to just ask him in person

>   
>  **Gonta** added **edgy furry** to the chat  
> 

A real boy: that works too

Megumin: holy shit he is a furry

Edgy furry: what is this

Gonta: hello tanaka!

Edgy furry: ah my friend! I take it you added me here?

Gonta: thats right!

Edgy furry: i see, it does me quite the honor to be summoned by the ruler of insects himself!

Gonta: how are your hamsters?

Edgy furry: the dark deva’s send their regards and are most overjoyed for your next visit to my empire

Gonta: :D

W/M? What’s that: hoi

W/M? What’s that: lift this fucking curse off of me you furry or i swear i will drop kick your commando ass

Miugasm: kinky

Edgy furry: first of all, let me establish that i am not a wretched being you fools call a “furry”

Edgy furry: only reason why its like this is because my damn cohorts of fiends insist i am one

Gonta: he says his classmates keep changing his name D:

Little shit: coulda fooled me

Kms: ^

And anime on my side: ^

Edgy furry: second, i know not of whatever curse you speak of

Edgy furry: if it was from a few days ago where you unreasonably dealt a rather painful blow to my brow

Edgy furry: it was barely the crack of dawn, so its only natural that i am cranky af

Megumin: he’s got a point

W/M? What’s that: but what about all the wierd shit that happens around you?

Edgy furry: such as?

Bae-thoven: dumpster trucks exploding

Bae-thoven: or school walls crumbling

Edgy furry: oh that

Edgy furry: the fault lies in the devil we acknowledge as Komaeda for this

A real boy: the white haired student?

A real boy: last i checked, his talent was good luck?

Edgy furry: allow me to enlighten you then

Edgy furry: while his talent does indeed revolve around his twisting luck and fate beyond abnormal levels

Edgy furry: he has a rather uncanny affinity for attracting unnatural misfortune wherever he follows

Edgy furry: that dumpster truck explosion was merely us on trash duty and one things led to another and the truck erupted into its spectacle of flames

Edgy furry: and as for the school wall breaking

Edgy furry: that was him trying to spectate yumeno and i’s bout of the dark arts

Edgy furry: and somehow he slipped on the window and some bricks fell out

Edgy furry: then the wall came crumbling down like my respect for him every day

No shit: holy shit

Bootleg Kamina: “this just in”

Bootleg Kamina: “local lucky student gets roasted and set on fire”

Gonta: so chabashira is ok?

Edgy furry: of course

Edgy furry: i wouldnt waste my breath on one who’s astral level far is miniscule compared to mine!

W/M? What’s that: bitch you wanna go?

Edgy furry: id rather not

Miugasm: yo furry i got a question

Edgy furry: if it will cease your infernal irritation known as your questions, then ask away

Miugasm: are you actually covering up ur ass or are you just walking around ready to flash your dick 24/7

>   
>  **Edgy furry** has left the chat  
> 

Gonta: D:<

Megumin: nice job

Megumin: you upset gonta

I have the power of god: i put down my phone to make a snack

I have the power of god: and next thing i know is i see gonta walking down the hall

I have the power of god: with a face that would have atua cower in fear

Miugasm: HAH BITCH YOU CANT CATCH THESE TITS

Die:

Die: wow

Die: she just

Die: ran up with a jetpack and jumped

Die: then faceplanted into the dirt

Miugasm: WHAT THE FUCK 

Miugasm: WHY DID THIS FUCKING JETPACK BREAK

Miugasm: I JUST FUCKING MADE THIS

I am not a dad: i believe i see komaeda a short distance away

Miugasm: FUCK FUCK FUCKSDJADAS

Kms: press f to pay respect?

Little shit: g

Avocado Jones: oof

 

Miugasm: AUAUUUGGHH

Bootleg Kamina: local iruma spotted

Miugasm: FUCK I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE

Kms: ngl alot of us thought u were

I am not a mom: indeed

Gonta: as gentleman say

Gonta: “live and learn binch ;)”

Bae-thoven: HOLY FUCK

Bae-thoven: GOnTa

And anime on my side: im gonna run out of glasses at this rate

And anime on my side: i cant trust anything i see

I am not a mom: tbh i would say thats ungentlemanly

I am not a mom: but for this instance i suppose it holds some merit

Die: agreed

Megumin: mom is putting down that a-grade discipline

I am not a mom: would you like me to increase your study work?

Megumin: please no

W/M? What’s that: asdhsjfsedbse so boooored

W/M? What’s that: yumeno are u free?

Megumin: sorry gal pal

Megumin: im stuck in the pit of hell that is

Megumin: s t u d y i n g

W/M? What’s that: fml

W/M? What’s that: Akamatsu are u free rn?

W/M? What’s that: tenko’s bored af

Bae-thoven: sure!

Bae-thoven: i can teach you how to play the piano?

W/M? What’s that: already omw

Bae-thoven: muting phone so we can practice in peace

Little shit: inb4 she teaches chabashira the piano cover to eye of the tiger

I have the power of god: ngl that sounds funny and awesome at the same time

No shit: and really fitting

No shit: i think

Kms: there is no “i think”

Little shit: only memes….

Kms: sure

Little shit: dont you know?!

Little shit: in this house we live and die by memes!

Avocado Jones:  
┏┓  
┃┃╱╲ in this  
┃╱╱╲╲ house  
╱╱╭╮╲╲ we  
▔▏┗┛▕▔ live and die  
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲  
By memes  
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲  
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

 

No shit: holy fuck i havent seen that house in a while

And anime on my side: that copy paste was some good shit

And anime on my side: and still is

Bootleg Kamina: copy paste house is the best house

Die: thats something i can get behind

I have the power of god: owo whats this?

Bootleg Kamina: heeey harumaki you agree with me for once!

Die: nevermind

Die: let me out of this house

Little shit: AHAHAHA

Little shit: ESCAPE IS FUTILE

Little shit: NONE CAN ESCAPE THE COPY PASTE HOUSE

Bootleg Kamina :EMBRACE THE COPY PASTE HOUSE

And anime on my side: EMBRACE IT YOU FOOL!

And anime on my side: IT IS THE TRUE WAY TO SALVATION

Die: i hate this family


End file.
